this is my story

Health Update - Trust

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 14:57:49 -0500

Last time I left you with the hope of an answer, but the test results we were waiting on came back looking normal.

The only consensus seems to be that I had something go on at the beginning of all of this that caused some severe inflammation and that’s causing the continuing pain (no one is even 100% about that).

I’m continuing to see the chiropractor, and that seems to be helping some. I go back next week to see if there’s anything more we can test for or be doing.

God’s been showing me a lot since I’ve been here. About Him, myself, my priorities, my relationship with HIm… In a few ways, I understand why I’m in this position. I see why He brought me to this new season where the hope I could find is Him. There’s definitely SO much my feeble mind can’t understand, but one of the biggest thing I’ve learned through all of this is that understanding isn’t what life is all about. It’s about obedience, surrender, and living a life that gives God glory in everything. Sometimes we get so caught up in the why that we miss what God’s doing right in front of us. It’s definitely okay to ask why, but when the questioning stems from doubt in His very nature, that’s when it becomes an obstacle.

I’ve wrestled with it. Over and over and over again. I’ve had a few moments where it felt like God said “Kacey, cut it out. Just fix your eyes right here on my face. I’m not going to leave you. You aren’t alone in this. Just trust me.”

He’s so faithful to remind me every day that He’s got this. Somedays I’m seriously overwhelmed by His love for me, and taken back by how patient He is with me.

I pray that You are reminded today that He sees you, He’s got you, and He’s loves you more than you’ll ever know.

____________________

“My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.” Job 42:5

mikeclevenger: The key to prayer, is simply praying. A.W. Tozer

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:44:31 -0500

mikeclevenger:

The key to prayer, is simply praying.

A.W. Tozer

Health Update - Hello, Seattle

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 02:32:19 -0500

I made it safely to my home state of Washington. I can safely say, I didn’t realize how much of a cold weather wimp I had become until I got here. I had a moment the other day where I wanted to bear hug the inventor of the humidifier & the person who came up with the idea to put a heating element in a toilet seat (GENIUS)!

On a serious note, I’ve definitely battled with how much detail to put on my blog about my situation. I know most people don’t want a play by play about how many times doctors have had to draw my blood. So, I figured I’d keep these pretty short. If you have any questions at all, I’d be happy to answer them via email - Kacey.Lanier@gmail.com

Right now, we’re waiting on results from a blood tests checking for a possible autoimmune disease/disorder and another test checking for a few certain bacterias in my system (the two things will possibly go hand in hand). My doctor found something on the CT I had done in Florida in October that raised a few questions in her mind regarding my immune system. I asked about having other scans done (like a colonoscopy or something to that nature) and she told me most of what they are checking for in those types of scans would have almost certainly shown up in the type of CT scan they ran, but since the doctors in Florida ruled that scan to be clear & normal, she wanted to do these tests first.

I should have results of those tests this week. I’ll keep you updated.

I definitely covet your prayers, my friends. It’s great being here with my dad, but it’s definitely hard being away from the rest of my family and my community.

I’m trusting in God’s provision for my future - physically, emotionally, and financially. In all of this, the Lord keeps proving His faithfulness over and over, and I’m CONFIDENT that “that He who began a good work in [me] will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

He’s got this :)

Love you all so much.

"I’ve never talked to anyone in ministry who has failed morally who has also had a consistent..."

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:48:27 -0500

“I’ve never talked to anyone in ministry who has failed morally who has also had a consistent time with the Lord.”

- Wayne Cordeiro

"The fiery furnaces are there by God’s direct permission. It is misleading to imagine that we are..."

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:52:03 -0500

“The fiery furnaces are there by God’s direct permission. It is misleading to imagine that we are developed in spite of our circumstances; we are developed because of them. It is mastery in circumstances that is needed, not mastery over them.”

- Oswald Chambers

The Love of God—The Message of Invincible Consolation, 674 R

"Some things are so important to God that they are worth interrupting the happiness and health of His..."

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:28:00 -0500

“Some things are so important to God that they are worth interrupting the happiness and health of His children in order to accomplish them.”

- Charles Stanley

Health Update - Step by Step

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 01:53:18 -0500

Friends :)

I’m fully recovered from surgery, but unfortunately, the pain I had before surgery seems to have stuck around. The good news is, we were able to rule a lot out because my doctor was able to look around at my appendix and all the other organs in there that had the potential to be acting crazy. So besides the fancy photo shoot my organs got, that was the extent of what the surgery was able to tell us. It was good news and bad news all at the same time.

While she has been wonderful, I think my journey with this doctor has run its course. I just need to see if there’s anything else that can be done. So onto phase 3… no…4… haha I’ve definitely lost count ;)

On a practical level, here’s where I’m at. I’ve just recently officially moved back to Stuart, FL, in with my mom. Definitely a hard decision to make, but after some wise counsel and a lot of prayer, I realized that it was the best decision on many counts. God provided a sweet girl to take my place at my apartment. So the financial burden in that respect has been lifted (thank You, Lord!). It was just another example of how He’s got this.

Now, I’ve decided to head to Seattle for a bit. I’ll be staying with my dad while I’m visiting a few doctors out there. I’m also going to start doing some freelance photography & design for now to help bring in some income, and my dad has a few people already lined up who need some work done, so that’s ANOTHER answer to prayer.

I’m not sure at this point how long I’ll be there. At this point, I’m just trying to get better!

I wish I could answer all of your questions (and mine) about what’s next, how long i’ll be gone, what I’m going to do, and where I’m going to be, but I can’t right now, simply because I don’t know the answers either. I don’t know what God’s doing. In the most wonderful way, though, I’m finally okay with being in this position of not knowing.

I’ll be honest and say that I wrestled with it for the longest time, and still each day I have to choose to look at my situation in the light of my God instead of being so caught up in what I don’t understand and what doesn’t make sense to me.

I’m definitely a planner. I like to know where I’m going at all times and what will happen once I get there.

In all of this, I’m learning to let go of control. Oh boy, has it been a wresting match, but the peace that comes during the moments that I let it go… it’s seriously indescribable.

A dear friend of mine encouraged me the other day by reminding me not to be so caught up in where I’m going that I miss Him showing me who He is…which I know that’s exactly what He’s doing in this season.

So, I’m taking steps forward. Learning to lean on Him & just trust Him to guide my steps as He already promised He would. He’s been faithful to do that thus far, and I know He’ll continue to do so.

I hope this gives you the update you were looking for :) Please don’t hesitate to email me (Kacey.Lanier@gmail.com) if you’ve got comments or questions. I’ll answer them as best as I can ;) and please tell me how I can be praying for you as well.

Love you all SO much and I’m beyond grateful for your prayers, your encouragement, & your support.

I’ll update again soon!

“So we do not lose heart.Though our outer self is wasting away,our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Here’s a sneak peek from a mini-shoot I did with Lorena a...

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 14:55:15 -0500

Here’s a sneak peek from a mini-shoot I did with Lorena a few months back. Check out the new blog for the full (but still mini) post

www.KaceyLanierPhotography.com

Yeah that’s my baby sister :)

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 11:25:13 -0500

Yeah that’s my baby sister :)

Health Update - Post Op

Tue, 06 Dec 2011 10:47:00 -0500

Pain medications do funny things to my head, so I won’t share with you the countless cheesy jokes & songs I’ve made up about the new holes in my body that are floating around up in my brain this morning….You’re quite welcome :)

Surgery went well yesterday, but it was quite the whirlwind of a day. After a 10am arrival, we found ourselves still in the waiting room at 11:30. I practically jumped to my feet and hugged the lady who called my name & took us back. I was so very ready to get this day over with and get home. I mean, have you seen my puppy dog? He’s kind of the cutest. You’d be anxious to get home too!

Changed into the oh-so-attractive, bright purple Hospital gown, and waited some more. I’ve become a professional “hurry up and wait” patient.

I found out my veins are tiny. I mean the kind where they have to stick you 4 times to finally insert your IV line kind of tiny. I’m pretty sure the nursing staff was one stick away from offering a reward to anyone who could successfully get a needle in my arm. 5 Gold Stars to Dr. Jerrell, the head anestesia guy for finally getting it in! HOORAYY!

I think it was around 2:00 that everyone finally got the ball rolling. They started pumping what they affectionately refer to as “Happy Juice” into me and gave me some medication for nausea. Then it was a kiss goodbye from mom, and off I went. The lady giving me all my medication serenaded me with Christmas carols all the way to the Operating Room… let’s just say, she was the sweetest for doing it, but she wouldn’t have made it on the worship team, bless her heart (anyone from the south knows what I really mean by that). :) But it definitely put me at ease.

So the last thing I remember is her precious rendition of “Carol of the Bells” and then I was out like a light.

Waking up in the Recovery room all I remember were my legs shaking so badly, but they told me that was anxiety. And then the beeping… so much beeping. There were about 10 beds in the room, and everyone’s machines were playing their own little songs. The first time I looked at the clock, it was 4:30. After they finally got everything they needed from me, and I was alert & awake, it was 7:30 and time to go home.

So here’s what we know so far. There were about 4 possibilities going in the surgery of what the outcome might be (barring an emergency situation, which, Thank the LORD, didn’t happen!) 1. They find nothing. 2. They find something small, fix it, and a few days later all the pain goes away. 3. The find something small, fix it, and no pain goes away. 4. The find something major that can’t be fixed laproscopically, and we reassess the situation at a later date.

Right now, we’re on either outcome # 2 or 3. My doctor found a tiny spot of endometriosis on a nerve in my abdomen. She told us “Tiny means the size of my smallest finger nail”. She said “The good news is that Kacey is fine. The bad news is that Kacey is fine.” Meaning she didn’t find anything significant like cancer or an abdomen covered with endometriosis, but she isn’t sure we found the source of the problem.

So, once again, time will tell.

But there is also a HUGE possibility that our God took care of everything before these doctors got in there too! I’m hopeful! But like I said last time, even if complete healing isn’t what He has for this season or healing doesn’t look like what I’d like it to look like (no pain), I know He’s got this and I know (and am SOO glad) that His ways are SO much higher than mine. So His plan & purpose for this is the best.

Have your way, God! Have YOUR way!

I simply cannot thank you all enough for your prayers, encouragement, & the verses you’ve sent. Our God is so good, and I feel blessed beyond measure knowing that I have a community like you guys.

As for today, I’m tired & quite sore, but doing alright :)

I’ll keep you in the loop as I find out anything new

Our God is Healer.

Please let me know, how can I be praying for you?

Health Update - Surgery

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:37:00 -0500

As many of you already know, I’ve been battling some health issues for almost 2 1/2 months. I’ve been dealing with pain in my abdomen that no one seems to fully be able to explain. At this point, I’ve had to take a leave of absence from work.

To make a very long story short, after trips to multiple doctors, blood tests that all seem to come back normal, multiple medications, and months of rest, I’m still in a significant amount of pain.

Tomorrow(12/5) I’ll be having an exploratory/laparoscopic procedure. My doctor isn’t sure what she’ll find at this point, but we’re hopeful that this surgery will bring some answers.

The procedure is scheduled for 12pm at St. Lucie Medical Center.

I covet your prayers. For healing, wisdom, peace, provision, & for God’s will to be done here, whatever that may look like. I know He’s got this.

I’ll update again as soon as I know something.

Thank you for praying & for all your encouragement & support through this.

Quick Health Update

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 14:06:00 -0500

Friends, I so appreciate your prayers for my health. Figured I’d update you. I apologize it’s taken so long.In the last 7 weeks, I’ve had a few cysts that ruptured on my ovaries, on top of fighting a dairy & gluten allergy and fighting an infection that developed.

At this point, for every few good days I have, I have just as many bad days. I have a pain in my abdomen that just won’t seem to go away. I can’t seem to function. I’ve lost most of my energy and seem to be tired almost all the time. If I do much more than walk the dog, I seem to get dizzy and unable to focus.

We still don’t have a full explantation as to why I’m still dealing with pain. To add to everything, I seem to be having a reaction to the medication they put me on and am dealing with a new possible sinus infection.

We’re not sure if there’s something we’re missing or if it’s just taking a lot longer than anyone expected it to. I have another appointment with the doctor tomorrow to find out the results of the last round of blood tests they ran & to see if there’s anything else we can do.

Quite honestly, this has been quite a frustrating process. It’s turned my world upside down. I keep describing it as someone pulling the emergency break on my life while I was going my normal 90 miles a minute.

I’ll try to write another post soon to share some of what I’ve been learning, and maybe even a few of the songs I’ve written. It’s been quite a journey. It hasn’t been fun, but I’ve learned so much about our God & been simply overwhelmed by His love for me.

Still believing in God as my Healer, but even if that isn’t what He has for me, I’m still trusting. His ways are higher, and He is so good.

Love you guys. Your prayers are truly what have been holding my head up these last few weeks.

"…I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s..."

Sun, 13 Nov 2011 19:10:43 -0500

“…I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, ‘My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.’
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (MSG)

"But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you..."

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 14:15:26 -0400

“But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you [God] have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love.”

- Psalm 59:16-17

Jake Dudley: arrival.

Sat, 22 Oct 2011 00:45:00 -0400

Jake Dudley: arrival. :

arrival.
24.

The age where most of the world thinks you should have arrived…

whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Arrival? There’s one thing I know, if “arrival” does, in fact, exist, then I’m not there. And if I’m honest, I’m not sure I ever want to be there.

We never arrive. We simply struggle.

And when we do “arrive,” we’ve simply given up.

Arrival is an excuse to stay where we are. It’s justification for living comfortably with what we want. Arrival prevents us from acquiring our God-given purposes and enables us to live a selfish life.

Inevitably, when we arrive, we die.

Life is achieved in the journey. As we fight and struggle and pursue and hurt we live and breathe and seek and receive.

The journey will be hard. There will be scars and your heart will be broken. But here’s my advice:

Live in the journey. Live in the struggle and the terror and the doubt and the beauty and the failure and the hope because that is where Jesus is.

Faith fuels the journey.

In the journey, you discover that “arrival” is simply a term for “settling.”

Live in the journey. Seek Jesus. He is for you.

We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

There’s nothing worth more that will ever come...

Wed, 19 Oct 2011 23:51:38 -0400

There’s nothing worth more that will ever come close
Nothing can compare, You’re our living hope
Your presence

I’ve tasted and seen of the sweetest of loves
Where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone
Your presence, Lord

Holy Spirit, You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory, God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence, Lord

Let us become more aware of Your presence
Let us experience the glory of Your goodness

- “Holy Spirit” Brian & Katie Torwalt

"‎Jesus, I need to give myself up. I’m not strong enough to love you and walk with you on my own. I..."

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 13:22:17 -0400

“‎Jesus, I need to give myself up. I’m not strong enough to love you and walk with you on my own. I can’t do it, and I need you. I need you deeply and desperately. I believe you are worth it, that you are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want you. And when I don’t, I want to want you. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have your way with me.”

- Francis Chan (via littlethingsaboutgod)

HallelujahHoly Holy God Almighty Great I Am Who is worthy None...

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 15:52:00 -0400

Hallelujah
Holy Holy
God Almighty
Great I Am
Who is worthy
None beside Thee
God Almighty
Great I Am

littlethingsaboutgod: A poem by David Bowden I write to you for...

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 14:31:49 -0400

littlethingsaboutgod:

A poem by David Bowden

I write to you for I see Christians but I don’t see Christ.
I see people living but not surrendering life
I see large buildings that cannot see strife
I see free salvation that is way underpriced.

"Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries..."

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 15:11:57 -0400

“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”

- Phil 4:6-7 (MSG)